What do I really want?

I've been thinking about what I want to accomplish in terms of weight loss. I'm about 5 pounds away from my stated goal of 158. But I'm not feeling very motivated. Here's why: all my clothes fit. I don't want to buy a whole new wardrobe. I think a size 12 is acceptable. But more importantly, I think it's sustainable.

But, here's the question: am I selling myself short? Am I just afraid of succeeding at a lower weight? The lowest I've ever been as an adult is 151. That was on my wedding day. I know that I looked GREAT at 151. I could wear a bikini with impunity. But I didn't stay at that weight for very long. And in the weeks leading up to the wedding, when I lost those last 8 pounds, I was barely eating. I was exercising all the time. I was stressed.

After the wedding, I gained back the 7 or 8 pounds pretty quickly and stayed at 158-160 for several years.

When I raised this question to Carrie she made a good point: if you're thinking you'll get pregnant again soon, why not knock off an extra 10 pounds so you have a little cushion before the next pregnancy gain. That's a really good point. Though, I would like to think I won't gain as much the next time around, Carrie said she gained more and more quickly! Yikes. I was just stupid while pregnant. I ate things like donuts. Who does that???

Here's what I know: I like having a bit more muscle on my body. I like getting regular exercise. It makes me feel good. I like not having to worry about my pants fitting, or fitting too tightly.

I think this means I need to lose the next 5 pounds. Then, I can reevaluate. But until I commit to losing that next little chunk of weight, I am going to continue to stagnate. It's always harder to make the choice to be diciplined, especially with a little tot to take care of...